Monday, November 23, 2009

Days In My Darkness

Days In My Darkness

It was as if just yesterday,
When in the darkness I dwelled.
When chaos upturned each day,
And when emptiness drowns me.

It was yesterday's dawn,
When I wished for death,
When I loathed my own life,
When I hated each moment.

Yet it was also yesterday,
When an unexpected light came my way
When darkness was left in the shadows,
When my fears were cast away.

It was just last night
When instead of darkness, the moon came,
When the fire swept away the cold,
And when passion washed away the hatred.

It was in the still of the night,
When silence drowned each breath,
When the stars beamed upon us,
When I wished I'd never wake up alone again.

Yet today, it seems that
I live in another darkness,
An empty chasm of nothingness,
A void where I can't see tomorrow.



Walking down this road of damnation,
Trying to trudge the street of redemption.
It was fourteen days since I touched your silky skin,
I'm so lonely you within that I could just scream.

This isn't a poem of sweet wine,
Simply my feelings expressed in rhymes.
This isn't to please anybody,
But to express the sadness residing in me.

I'd rather hear your soft whisper or angry screams even,
Than be shut in this jail of my silent world forever.
See my red eyes from sleepless nights,
But don't dare look at those showy tears I try to fight.

If only I can read your mind,
Or if only I can feel your emotions inside,
Then I can know what makes you really smile.
Please tell me, at least try.



I'm a dreamer without a dream. I don't try to talk with the moon, nor do I live in a world of my ideals. I am the dreamer that envisions the reality. Call me crazy, but all I want do is pour my heart out, even if it leaves me al exposed and vulnerable. You don't have to trust what I say, I've lied through life so many times. All I am asking is you try to read my hearts contents and judge me if I am worthy to your trust and your open heart.

Loving you isn't that easy. I pretend that I don't care for you, but when I feel your touch, all those pretentious tendencies melt away. This isn't an excuse, but there are persons will try to stop me from loving you. That is why I hide under a painful veil of secrecy. But I will do anything to be beside you. This is my mission impossible.

I am a great believer of destiny. I believe in the romantic reason of being predestined. Each and every step I took and will take will definitely lead me in front of you. And each stone I stumble upon are simple fire in the forge of my determination.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Devil's Guilt

Devil's Guilt

I am feeling guilty,
for questions so nutty.
I ask for the impossible,
causing unnecessary troubles.

Your consciousness sprained,
heart crushed in pain,
I am nothing but selfish,
a devil's personification in flesh.

This may be my shortest poem ever. I just wanted to express my thoughts right now.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The Strange Eulogy

A Strange Eulogy

He was a fine friend,
some of my troubles he mend.
He is my night's companion,
both as bother and minion.

Now he is gone,
I realize what he has done.
He wanted attention,
so he chose death's detention.

I had never realized,
that you were such a prize,
until you won't breath,
until I can't feel your heat.

It may seem strange,
to make a eulogy's page,
for a thing to top,
and most of all, a laptop.

It has been days, weeks perhaps or even months since my last post. What made me post again, was strangely the death of my beloved laptop. lol..

He has served me as a bother and minion for over two years. And finally, with his one year hardware warranty passed, he finally passed on. We can replace his system board but that is too much costly and costs as much as a brand new laptop so I think if ever I would have the money, I would opt for a brand new money.

Well, I just wanted to share a strange eulogy I thought of. And by the way, this is my way of looking positively at things that are completely negative. :p
Hope you like it.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

My First Local Newspaper "Article"

I wrote the following letter to a local newspaper, Sunstar, in our area. I never thought that they would publish it as an article, as my purpose was just to call their attention. But just a day after I wrote the letter, on August 1, 2009, Sunstar published my letter in the column "Speak out".

The following is the exact words on the article:

AMA First Before SLU
GOOD day to Sunstar. I have just read the editorial/opinion on the issue of Friday, July 31 2009 about the Virtual Classroom of SLU. I reacted to the issue because of the claim it is the first in Cordillera Region. If you are aware, AMA Computer Colleges are offering subjects under eLearning long before.
And I am much aware that AMA CC Baguio Branch had been established as early as 2007, the year I enrolled here.
Thanks you very much and I would recommend that you check your facts before publishing them.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

My Resolve

This is a poem I dedicate to my loved one, who I fondly call my baby.

My Resolve

I want to see your elusive eyes,
I long for your very smile,
the sweet smell of your skin,
your hair of black satin.

My life is because of you,
You reside in my heart, that's true.
Without you, I will be gone,
without your love, I am undone.

So even if I defy my destiny,
even if life's against you and me,
I will try my very hardest,
to love you with all my best.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

New Directory is Up

To keep track on my posts, I just created a new directory located on the top right side of my blog. The links there redirect to a post where links are posted.


Here is a list of the posts where I incorporated my own drawings.

myEssays and myOpinions

Here is a list of essays and opinions I have created.

My Poems

Here is a list of all the poems I have posted here.


Again, I don't know what is in her mind. She teases me then leaves me alone. She says something sweet and the next second she doesn't say anything at all. She always leaves me hanging.

I call her my baby, yet I feel like I am not treating her that way. I had been careless. A baby's laugh is heaven yet a baby's cry is hell and we've both seen hell so many times. Even this distance between us is a fiery hell.

I can't ask more from her. I have already taken away many parts of her life. She could have been happier without me, that is what I believe. But I am selfish and I don't want her to leave my side.

I've been asking her to cross that hell just to be my side. Hopefully, she won't get too tired and decide not to be my side anymore.

But I am guessing this selfishness cannot go on forever. I have to accept the fact that one day, sooner or later, she would leave me. She has already accepted that fact, though I don't know how far ahead was she thinking.


I feel so lonely. I am living yet I am so dead. I am incomplete, a lifeless doll waiting for the end, without a purpose. That is how I feel right now, alone and miles away from the one I love.
I had known her for more than a year now. Yet, I don't know anything about her. Still, I feel so attached to her. I don't know what she is thinking and I don't really know how she feels, yet I am believing in my instinct that she loves me and misses me too. I've only spoken to her a couple of times, yet my life is dependent on her.

A heartache, that what she is. If she would have been near me right now, she would have been the love that makes my heart skip with joy. But unfortunately, she is far away, a distance that crushes my already broken heart. Distance that makes my heart ache, that what she is.
I know I can't be selfish. I know that I can't have her forever. But I want to cling onto this part of my life as long as possible. I want to hold her near forever, even if I know that it is impossible. I want to kiss her lips until time stops, but destiny just won't let me. Life really is cruel, giving you a taste of the good thing before taking it away.

I know she is hurting too. I just am not sure who is hurting more inside, me who is always carefree, or her that keeps everything inside. I don't want to see her cry but sometimes I can't just help it. I had regretted a lot of things, including seeing her tears. And I don't want to see them again.

I know this is nothing but rants, but I have been holding this inside my heart for so long. I don't want to leave her. That is final.


For months, maybe even years now, I've been living a carefree life. I've lived denying the truths and facts that are right before my eyes. I've been living a life without a goal, a life without meaning. I have always thought that this is where life stops and I have known everything I needed to know.

But to think that I had been so wrong. There is so much more in life. There are so many things to learn, so many things to improve. I decided to live behind those shadows of skepticism and face the world with a renewed heart.

I have put together a list that I wanted to improve and do in my lifetime. This post may seem boring to some but I think this is my first real post that tackles my blogs' goals: To keep track of the changes in my life."

  • Learn to play the Piano
  • improve my poem's creativity
  • develop my drawing skills
  • learn to play the flute
  • learn to play the guitar
  • enhance photography
  • enhance my magic tricks
  • enhance photo-editing skills
  • improve shorthand penmanship
  • improve longhand penmanship
  • learn to paint in Microsoft Paint
  • develop cooking skills

  • Long distance ride through the country side on a mountain bike
  • hike on a cold mountain trail
  • write a whole book of essays, stories and poems
  • complete a computer program
  • create a monthly animation
  • study Greek mythology
  • take a dive from a rock

  • have at least two college degrees
  • have a part time programming job
  • have a full time work

  • develop my body muscles
  • set a daily routine
  • improve memory skills
  • improve studying habits
  • develop good sleeping habits
  • never be late on my schedule again

  • revive old social connections
  • maintain social connections
  • develop a more approachable attitude
  • practice being more social
  • be more lively at conversations
  • always aim for perfection
This list seem very long but I think that list is still lacking. Anyway, any advice on how to achieve them will be gladly accepted.

Monday, July 13, 2009



Beauty, what is beauty?
Is it a girl filled with pity?
Is it a lady in sorrow,
that on her cheeks, tears flow?

Should she be fair,
that everyone just stares.
Fair, what is fair?
Is it simply white, or a face that's rare?

Is beauty a field of flowers?
or the sound of rain showers?
Is she a young girl or mother nature?
Is beauty born with or grown and nurtured?

But what I do know,
is that your beauty will certainly show,
through life's hardships and tests,
when you undergo your own quest.

This is in response to prompts from Simply Snickers.

Monday, July 6, 2009

My Dream

My Dream

I went through a hard test,
crossing a lush forest,
parrying teeth of beasts,
and dodging sting of bees.

From the main road I strayed,
I forged my very own way,
then I found an unending line,
that led me to your very mind.

But the wounds I had will heal,
when your soft skin i can feel,
when you soft smile shines,
and when your heart is mine.

Oh, I will look for you,
so my dreams can come true,
that I'll be with you forever,
and pains I'll no longer remember.

This is in response to Simply Snickers and Weekend Wordsmith prompts, and hopefully I'll be online to post it on meme express this saturday.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Acrostic Only - Prompts for June 27th

This is my first attempt on acrostics. So I would appreciate criticisms and comments. Thanks.

Prompt # 1 DANCING
Actions and
Never ending
New moves, now

Prompt # 2 JAM
Joy swelling,
Aching for
Magical motions.

Prompt # 3 THRILLER
Haunting the
Lounging and
Lumbering in an

On and
The law.
Hungering for
Crime, they
Inside for
Numb and

Prompt # 5 OFF THE WALL

Prompt # 6 CRY
Calling, and
Reaching out for

Prompt # 7 Michael Jackson

Prompt # 8 Earth Song
Roared and

Our earth
Now before its

Prompt # 9 She's out of my life
Empty but

Over you, yet
Under emotional

Our hearts

Mine and

Love seemed
Impregnable, yet it

I will finish the other acrostics later. :) This is in response to acrostic prompts from Acrostic Only.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Dark Angel

Dark Angel

Are you the dark angel,
Who came to this world to mingle?
You came to see the world.
To me, it is hazy and blurred.

Where will you go now,
You who's dark as crow?
Take me with you,
I'll follow no matter where you go.

Will you be amused,
or simply be confused?
For I am a man in the dark,
waiting for you to leave a mark.

Are you the one people hated,
Or are they simply amazed?
I will follow you with open eyes,
Oh I will, 'til your dark feather flies.
This is in response to Simply Snicker's Poetry Prompt - through Sunday, June 28, 2009.

My Trial

My Trial

I tried to reach the light,
and I didn't gave in without a fight.
But in life, I am lost.
Without you, I am but a ghost.

Further in the darkness I slide.
With rules, I can never abide.
Life crushed my spirit,
I am tried to my very limit.

Everytime I make a step,
I slip further into the depths.
A man can't fight his nature,
especially that I am a dark creature.

But in the face of failure,
I want to have a measure.
I don't want to give up,
I will, Oh I will reach the top.



Pain, why are you inside me?
From you, why can't I flee?
My blind heart, you're crushing to dust.
With the wind, you make it rust.

Tears within me won't come out.
Pain and love, both bold and in doubt.
Heavy heart pulls me to the depths.
I can't cry but my heart wept.

For more, I had longed for.
But love, what do you have in store?
More pain, to drown me with tears?
Or joy, so my soul can cheer?

I'm beside you, yet so far away.
I'm lost, searching for your heart astray.
Your mind, clouded and fogged,
unsure, whether I'm loved or I'm a rag.

My love, make up your heart,
before dark's feast starts,
before I am totally lost and gone,
and before my own love's undone.

I'll wait another ten days,
while I hold on with your ways.
But after that very day,
I can no longer stay.

I know when you leave, I'll cry.
But I'll be strong, I will try.
And I know it will hurt me more,
if you stay, but you are outside my door.

Don't leave me hanging,
For more, I am aching.
But until you are sure,
I'll wait for another cure.
This poem was not originally meant for this prompt. I made this poem before I went to sleep last night. I was just so sad and hurt that I have to write something about it. But coincidentally, the prompt words on Simply Snickers and Meme Express matched the words I used on my poem.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Pleasure's Illusion

Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it.

— Soren Kierkegaard

Life is an illusion. It may sound ironic, but that is the phrase I live with. It can have many interpretations and many applications. The quotation of Soren Kierkegaard sparked my mind to remember an application of the phrase I live with, which explains some of my actions.

Pleasure is something that is sought out by most men alive, if not all. But in their way of chasing that dream, they forget what is it and miss overtake pleasure, leaving it behind. Life placed a blindfold on their eyes, making them blind.

We are living in a fast paced world. People tend to see money as the source of true pleasure, just like what the popular media is insinuating. They work their life away to reach that pleasure they are dreaming of, but when they have that money, they still want more. They waste away their life chasing after the wind.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People - Movie Summary
I suddenly remembered the movie I just watched a few days back. It was entitled "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People". Sidney Young, the protagonist of the movie, is introduced as a young boy watching a black and white film while dreaming to be with those stars in what he call his Shangrilla.

When he grew up, he turned to a journalist working for an alternative magazine, Post Modern Review, which makes fun at celebrities and rich people. In one of his early exploits, he tried to enter a post-"British Academy of Film and Television Arts" party. In order to get past security, he tried bringing in a pig, which he claims to be the star of "Babe in the City 3".

After he gets in, he get to mingle and interview some stars. But the pig he used to get in caused a ruckus, exposing him as the culprit. His escape run was captured on cam, which caught the interest of Clayton, editor of another magazine, Sharp which is based in New York. Sharp is essentially the exact opposite of the magazine Sidney Young was working on.

He is now in a totally different working environment and working ethics, where everyone else seems to accept how they are being used by stars as publicity medium. The Sharp magazine publishes only good stories about stars, which Sidney just can't accept.

At first, he tried to assert his own way of writing, where he writes only the truth while making fun of stars. But all of his work was never printed. But after several failures in his personal love life, he decides to go with the flow and aim for success.

Then, everything started to become better. He worked his way to the top and he got so close to the stars. But on the way, he lost his only friend that really cared about him. The success he believed in took him far away from the true pleasure of life.

Realizing his failure amidst the dazzling and dizzying success, he escaped his Shangrila to go back to his only friend and love.

This is in response to the quotation prompt from Catchwords.

Free Will and Society

Well, we are given freedom for the last 30 minutes from our FreeElec3 - Advanced Web Design and Program to do whatever we want and I decided to use it to write on this blog. I just have to write something about the discussion we had earlier on another subject.

Society Can Either Make or Break You
The new professor have an interesting way of presenting the lecture and ideas. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to catch our first meeting last Monday because of some conflict in my class schedule. He mentioned an excerpt from a theory concerning society. He said something along the lines: "Society can either make or break you."

His Idea of Freewill
Then he asked if any students would like to contest this saying. After a few seconds of silence, he explained his opinion. He is standing by his belief of freewill. As his reason, he gave an example. He mentioned a certain community where lawbreaking is rampant. He said that in this community, drug running and use is everywhere, gangs are all around and violence is everywhere. He said, "If you are living in that community, would you also be like them?"

After the class, I approached him and I asked about the his class' conflicting schedule with another laboratory class. After discussing the possible solutions on the schedule, I offered to give him an essay expressing my idea of freewill.

My Idea of Freewill
Honestly, I don't believe in freewill. What I think is that freewill is just an illusion. There is no such thing as decisions based on your freewill. My idea of freewill is based on some kind of domino effect. Let me explain it further.

The domino effect I am mentioning is basically cause and effect. When a domino falls down, it trips another domino. When that second domino falls down, it trips another one and the cycle goes on. I believe this is also true with everything, including society.

Freewill and The Domino Effect
Now, to concentrate on freewill. A simple example on the application of my idea of freewill is when someone bumps on to you full force. Of course, if he is larger and stronger than you, you would surely fall down. If not, he would simply bounce off. Or maybe if the force he hit you with is equal to your static force, then nothing happens.

That is the same way as freewill on his example, except that there are some ideas not mentioned in the example of community of violence. First, a person can be swayed to become like them if he does not have strong enough personality. A person can resist if he have a strong personality. But where did that personality come from?

This is where the domino effect comes in. Maybe in the past, he was brought up with a good conscience and a religious background. Now, the past comes in effect on his decisions. In reality, all of our decisions are not based on our freewill but on memories of things that we have encountered. Your decisions are not out of freewill but on ideas and concepts you have taken in in the past.

Of course, not everything in the past directly affects your decisions. It may be argued that some parents were brought up by abusive parents, but now they are caring and thoughtful of the well being of their children.

Well, my theory about the domino effect is still in place. Not all dominoes, when hit by another domino will fall straight like the past. Maybe it was hit in the sides and it sent it falling sideways. That is the same with the abusive father example. Again, this is not freewill in work but circumstances working together to create a certain situation. This is the same even if the father also turned out to be abusive to his children.

The Water Ripple Effect
In terms other than the domino effect, we can use another example, which I think is more appropriate. Have you ever seen a water ripple from a single drop? After the water drop hits the surface of the water, it breaks the tension and sends ripples outwards.

The water ripples can be considered as the effect and the water drop is the cause. This is also applicable in all of the things in this world, including society and behavior. This can be seen in everyday living.

From a single action, the effects can spread out like a ripple, passing from one person to another. The effects could be, like I have said earlier, either negative or positive. A certain action can push a person to a certain decisions.

To conclude my explanation, let us look at a new born baby as an example. Everything that will be done to her in the next few years will change the way she decides in the future. Essentially, everyone around her, either knowing or unknowingly predestines her actions in the future.

But looking closely, that baby's parents are also predestined to do those things. Therefore, if we want to understand everything about society's behavior, the origin, the water drop that started the ripple, is the place to look.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Straying from the line

I've always strayed from the line. I don't conform to norms. Though, it is not my intention, I sometimes look at things differently. If life would be compared to a race while following a straight line, I would be looking sideways and straying on the sidewalks. Sometimes, this is the reason I finish last. And sometimes, it is the reason that I can take shortcuts and finish early.

a line have an end
and a line is life's trend.
i don't follow the line
for I do not go with fine

I look for ways to escape
from the world's binding cape.
the world is an illusion
for in it I have no mission.

I stray from life
i always look for strife.
sometimes i look for a guide
i failed, even how hard I tried.

an inspiration i lack
for how long my brain's stock.
in the darkness i dwell
that is my life's spell.

This is in response to Weekend Wordsmith: 105. Line prompt.

Meme's are Flooded

Well, on my last hour, I was thinking of posting some poetry and participate in meme express' daily prompt and Simply Snicker's Poetry Prompt. Unfortunately for them and me, the prompter is flooded and the prompt will be released on Wednesday. So, with no prompt to work with, I think I will just create a poem for this situation.

here i sit,
looking for some wit
to create a comforting word
but without inspiration, that I can't afford.

I am but sad
for the flood so bad.
they pulled down my prompter
whom i expect memes daily forever

though I've got no news
I hope the flood calls it a truce
so next wednesday, i can post again
that i can write again without a pen.

until next time
i post my thoughts of dime
though this is for the bored
this is meant for the blogspot's lords.

Back to School

This is the first day of school for this semester. Honestly, I don't like to go to school again. I am not against school in any way, it is just that sometimes i am bored by the lessons. Sometimes, or most of the times, they are like reviews of my self study sessions and when I am trying on new codes.

But honestly, I want to change my attitude about school. Before, I was thinking that I know everything I need to go solo on programming. Now, I want to change my viewpoint. It is true that I know a lot, if not all the things I need to be a good programmer. But I don't know everything. I am hoping to learn new things this semester, not some repeats like the last time I was at school.

Anyway, about my internet connection, I got a prepaid account on a mobile internet. The prices are too high and the speed is terrible. Too bad I already paid for the USB modem. This means that my online time is greatly reduced. Alas! This would also limit my time to read and write on blogs.

But I think by writing all my posts in a notepad when I am offline, I will still be keeping my blog alive. Although, I can't take part in the memes I've started posting on. That is too bad as I was hoping to revive poetry inside of me.

Anyway, I am on a school computer right now and I have one more hour before my internet laboratory class is dismissed. I think I would visit some blogs and post some memes if I can.

Sorry for wrong spellings and grammar, but I am cramming all my online activity in this last hour. :(

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

After 8 hours of travel

After 24 hours of packing, 8 1/2 hours of travel, 6 hours of sleep, 3 hours of enrollment I am finally sitting in front of a computer with an internet connection.

Well, just wanted to post something while I am in school and it may take some time before I get my own internet connection at me boarding house. And i will be posting more when I have the time.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Calvin & Hobbes - 1 Television Learning

I've decided to post Calvin and Hobbes Comics each week. I will be posting the one's I've liked and the one's that have some meaning in my life.

I don't know if William B. "Bill" Watterson II really intended Calvin and Hobbes to have such deep meanings about life. After all, Calvin and Hobbes' characters are six year olds, and probably the target market is younger people.

Well, here is my first Calvin and Hobbes comics. It was published on December 09, 1985.
Reflecting on the comic, it is just surprising how powerful of an influence television is to small children nowadays. Commercial televisions' norms for daily dramas include near sexual content, bordering PG-13s going towards Rated-18s.

And what is more disturbing, this comics is published in the late 1985s. How more it would be in our liberalized times. Well, I am not saying that I not a part of the teenagers who drive this culture but to imagine that 6 year olds watching some or most of these shows are a little bit disturbing.

Worker's Plight (Poem)

Worker's Plight

I toil for gold,
but what's in sight?
Nothing but mold
and dust in flight.

Each time i swing,
pickaxe hits a stone
and I'm wishing
to see my home.

Each morning starts
in my love's songs.
But left my heart
where it belongs.

So I salute
those at the top,
who plays the flute
while we don't stop.

I hope I am not too late for submitting this poem. I just learned about Simply Snickers and The Meme Express earlier.

Path to Insanity

Path to Insanity
-jethro08 a.k.a. Theo Jr

With tears, i try to find,
the roads of laughter in mind.
Each path i take,
my heart always breaks.

Each course I will climb!
But with aching foot and limb,
I will but retire with regret.
In the end, is this all I get?

I have tried words.
I even painted birds.
Every craft i tried.
But I guess my brain is just fried.

But who else to blame,
for i am going insane.
And in front of each stone,
I bow like its a throne

This is in response to Simply Snickers' Poetry Prompt posted on june 14, 2009.
It had been months since I tried writing a poem and it made me wonder that I still have some skill left, although a bit rugged now. Hope you like my poem as it is my first try on a new mood for my poems. Before all my poems are dark, lonely and full of sadness.

Philippine EDSA 2 - Looking back into history

I've never been in a protest before. Nor have I ever thought of joining one in the near future. Up to this point, you may not understand why then I am writing a post about EDSA2. But let me explain the reason on my post.

I was reading a post in Weekend Wordsmith and their prompt is Protests. Ideas struck my head. I have had been long wondering a lot of things about protests. There had been many stereotypes I am hearing about protests. To explain a bit further, let me explain my background.

Hundreds of thousands of protesters choke a ma...Image via Wikipedia

I live in the Philippines. Though it pains to admit it, people are holding protest rallies every now and then. Two of the biggest protest rallies of our country was nicknamed EDSA and EDSA II after the place the protest was held on.

Both EDSA1 and EDSA2 is a major turning points in our history. After all, both these two EDSA Protests forced two presidents to step down from their positions, hence also gaining the names People Power 1 and 2.

And now, people are again voicing their protests against the current president, Pres. Gloria Macapagal Arroya, the very same president they have put into position when they ousted ex-President Erap Estrada on People Power 2. So the question is, did they suceed or did they fail in EDSA2?

Sometimes, people are mislead by certain ideals that cause them to rise up and voice their thoughts in protests
, often leading to rash actions. They have removed a supposedly corrupt president and put on a new president, which now they believe to be more corrupt.

Are the protests, the blood they shed, the tears they cried and the sweat they poured worth the results they got? Hardly. Sometimes, the masses choose poorly. But we cannot blame them for expressing their ideals, after all we all have the freedom of speach.

Ponder over history, and you will see what is worth what and which can be called a success and a failure.

This is in response to the prompt of weekend wordsmith on june 14.
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Sunday, June 14, 2009

Pencil on a Canvas - Dogs

I had been fascinated by the world of art years before. It had always been at some point a stress reliever and a medium of expression for me.

I've started on pencil and/or charcoal sketches. I also tried doing colored paintings but I just can't get a good painting together. I later discovered that, unfortunately, I have mild color blindness. I can't see some shades of red and green, which contributes to my inability to put together a good color painting. So I am sticking with black and whites, with shades of gray.

I drew this dog when I was in one of my moods swings and I am asking myself:
Could there be more in life?

Being bored at times, I am doing nothing but sleeping and drawing.

I often ask:
Why can't we all just get along?

This is not my most recent drawings but I am thinking of posting them bit by bit. I will be also sketching more when I have the time and I have my drawing tools with me.

Friday, June 12, 2009

I survived - Suicide documentary

I am watching the suicide documentary from I survived, and I just can't help but to see myself in the person being interviewed. His name is Brian and he have attempted committing suicide two times.

When he described his background, I felt like I was looking at a mirror. We are both active and doing good at school. We both know how to make friends. We both know how to look happy to everyone else, but keeping all the sadness inside.

When he described his "addiction" to sadness, it hit me. I am also addicted to it. I usually cry to myself at night when I am alone. I feel the loneliness of the world, and I lived in the darkness. When I am not doing anything and when I am not thinking of anything productive, I think about darkness and death.

Normally, when you think of dying, you'd cry because you don't want to leave the world. I too cried when I think of suicide. But I had been thinking of death for such a long time that I have became more than an acquaintance with it, until I no longer cry when I think about death. I am immune.

But unlike Brian, I realized early enough that I can't forever live in this darkness. He tried taking his life for 2 times, while I had yet to do it. But I don't want to try it any longer. I want to live and explore what the world has to offer.

I am forcing myself to forget about my bitter thoughts. I am keeping my mind and body busy so I would forget about my loneliness. I just hope I can keep this up so that my mind won't wander towards the darkness.