Dreamer

Dreamer

I'm a dreamer without a dream. I don't try to talk with the moon, nor do I live in a world of my ideals. I am the dreamer that envisions the reality. Call me crazy, but all I want do is pour my heart out, even if it leaves me al exposed and vulnerable. You don't have to trust what I say, I've lied through life so many times. All I am asking is you try to read my hearts contents and judge me if I am worthy to your trust and your open heart.

Loving you isn't that easy. I pretend that I don't care for you, but when I feel your touch, all those pretentious tendencies melt away. This isn't an excuse, but there are persons will try to stop me from loving you. That is why I hide under a painful veil of secrecy. But I will do anything to be beside you. This is my mission impossible.

I am a great believer of destiny. I believe in the romantic reason of being predestined. Each and every step I took and will take will definitely lead me in front of you. And each stone I stumble upon are simple fire in the forge of my determination.

Selfishness

Again, I don't know what is in her mind. She teases me then leaves me alone. She says something sweet and the next second she doesn't say anything at all. She always leaves me hanging.

I call her my baby, yet I feel like I am not treating her that way. I had been careless. A baby's laugh is heaven yet a baby's cry is hell and we've both seen hell so many times. Even this distance between us is a fiery hell.

I can't ask more from her. I have already taken away many parts of her life. She could have been happier without me, that is what I believe. But I am selfish and I don't want her to leave my side.

I've been asking her to cross that hell just to be my side. Hopefully, she won't get too tired and decide not to be my side anymore.

But I am guessing this selfishness cannot go on forever. I have to accept the fact that one day, sooner or later, she would leave me. She has already accepted that fact, though I don't know how far ahead was she thinking.

Keeping

I feel so lonely. I am living yet I am so dead. I am incomplete, a lifeless doll waiting for the end, without a purpose. That is how I feel right now, alone and miles away from the one I love.
I had known her for more than a year now. Yet, I don't know anything about her. Still, I feel so attached to her. I don't know what she is thinking and I don't really know how she feels, yet I am believing in my instinct that she loves me and misses me too. I've only spoken to her a couple of times, yet my life is dependent on her.

A heartache, that what she is. If she would have been near me right now, she would have been the love that makes my heart skip with joy. But unfortunately, she is far away, a distance that crushes my already broken heart. Distance that makes my heart ache, that what she is.
I know I can't be selfish. I know that I can't have her forever. But I want to cling onto this part of my life as long as possible. I want to hold her near forever, even if I know that it is impossible. I want to kiss her lips until time stops, but destiny just won't let me. Life really is cruel, giving you a taste of the good thing before taking it away.

I know she is hurting too. I just am not sure who is hurting more inside, me who is always carefree, or her that keeps everything inside. I don't want to see her cry but sometimes I can't just help it. I had regretted a lot of things, including seeing her tears. And I don't want to see them again.

I know this is nothing but rants, but I have been holding this inside my heart for so long. I don't want to leave her. That is final.