Keeping

I feel so lonely. I am living yet I am so dead. I am incomplete, a lifeless doll waiting for the end, without a purpose. That is how I feel right now, alone and miles away from the one I love.
I had known her for more than a year now. Yet, I don't know anything about her. Still, I feel so attached to her. I don't know what she is thinking and I don't really know how she feels, yet I am believing in my instinct that she loves me and misses me too. I've only spoken to her a couple of times, yet my life is dependent on her.

A heartache, that what she is. If she would have been near me right now, she would have been the love that makes my heart skip with joy. But unfortunately, she is far away, a distance that crushes my already broken heart. Distance that makes my heart ache, that what she is.
I know I can't be selfish. I know that I can't have her forever. But I want to cling onto this part of my life as long as possible. I want to hold her near forever, even if I know that it is impossible. I want to kiss her lips until time stops, but destiny just won't let me. Life really is cruel, giving you a taste of the good thing before taking it away.

I know she is hurting too. I just am not sure who is hurting more inside, me who is always carefree, or her that keeps everything inside. I don't want to see her cry but sometimes I can't just help it. I had regretted a lot of things, including seeing her tears. And I don't want to see them again.

I know this is nothing but rants, but I have been holding this inside my heart for so long. I don't want to leave her. That is final.