Days In My Darkness

Days In My Darkness

It was as if just yesterday,
When in the darkness I dwelled.
When chaos upturned each day,
And when emptiness drowns me.

It was yesterday's dawn,
When I wished for death,
When I loathed my own life,
When I hated each moment.

Yet it was also yesterday,
When an unexpected light came my way
When darkness was left in the shadows,
When my fears were cast away.

It was just last night
When instead of darkness, the moon came,
When the fire swept away the cold,
And when passion washed away the hatred.

It was in the still of the night,
When silence drowned each breath,
When the stars beamed upon us,
When I wished I'd never wake up alone again.

Yet today, it seems that
I live in another darkness,
An empty chasm of nothingness,
A void where I can't see tomorrow.

Dark Angel

Dark Angel

Are you the dark angel,
Who came to this world to mingle?
You came to see the world.
To me, it is hazy and blurred.

Where will you go now,
You who's dark as crow?
Take me with you,
I'll follow no matter where you go.

Will you be amused,
or simply be confused?
For I am a man in the dark,
waiting for you to leave a mark.

Are you the one people hated,
Or are they simply amazed?
I will follow you with open eyes,
Oh I will, 'til your dark feather flies.

This is in response to Simply Snicker's Poetry Prompt - through Sunday, June 28, 2009.

My Trial

My Trial

I tried to reach the light,

and I didn't gave in without a fight.

But in life, I am lost.

Without you, I am but a ghost.

Further in the darkness I slide.

With rules, I can never abide.

Life crushed my spirit,

I am tried to my very limit.

Everytime I make a step,

I slip further into the depths.

A man can't fight his nature,

especially that I am a dark creature.

But in the face of failure,

I want to have a measure.

I don't want to give up,

I will, Oh I will reach the top.

Hurt

HURT

Pain, why are you inside me?

From you, why can't I flee?

My blind heart, you're crushing to dust.

With the wind, you make it rust.

Tears within me won't come out.

Pain and love, both bold and in doubt.

Heavy heart pulls me to the depths.

I can't cry but my heart wept.

For more, I had longed for.

But love, what do you have in store?

More pain, to drown me with tears?

Or joy, so my soul can cheer?

I'm beside you, yet so far away.

I'm lost, searching for your heart astray.

Your mind, clouded and fogged,

unsure, whether I'm loved or I'm a rag.

My love, make up your heart,

before dark's feast starts,

before I am totally lost and gone,

and before my own love's undone.

I'll wait another ten days,

while I hold on with your ways.

But after that very day,

I can no longer stay.

I know when you leave, I'll cry.

But I'll be strong, I will try.

And I know it will hurt me more,

if you stay, but you are outside my door.

Don't leave me hanging,

For more, I am aching.

But until you are sure,

I'll wait for another cure.

This poem was not originally meant for this prompt. I made this poem before I went to sleep last night. I was just so sad and hurt that I have to write something about it. But coincidentally, the prompt words on Simply Snickers and Meme Express matched the words I used on my poem.

I survived - Suicide documentary

I am watching the suicide documentary from I survived, and I just can't help but to see myself in the person being interviewed. His name is Brian and he have attempted committing suicide two times.

When he described his background, I felt like I was looking at a mirror. We are both active and doing good at school. We both know how to make friends. We both know how to look happy to everyone else, but keeping all the sadness inside.

When he described his "addiction" to sadness, it hit me. I am also addicted to it. I usually cry to myself at night when I am alone. I feel the loneliness of the world, and I lived in the darkness. When I am not doing anything and when I am not thinking of anything productive, I think about darkness and death.

Normally, when you think of dying, you'd cry because you don't want to leave the world. I too cried when I think of suicide. But I had been thinking of death for such a long time that I have became more than an acquaintance with it, until I no longer cry when I think about death. I am immune.

But unlike Brian, I realized early enough that I can't forever live in this darkness. He tried taking his life for 2 times, while I had yet to do it. But I don't want to try it any longer. I want to live and explore what the world has to offer.

I am forcing myself to forget about my bitter thoughts. I am keeping my mind and body busy so I would forget about my loneliness. I just hope I can keep this up so that my mind won't wander towards the darkness.